When The Frog You Used To Date Becomes Another Woman's "Prince"

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that felt very one-sided?

He’s the smooth-talker who never follows through with his actions. The one who says he wants to be with you but then fails to put a label on the relationship. He has an inherent fear of commitment. He’s the one who can take you from feeling elated and hopeful to morose within a matter of seconds through his inconsistent and emotionally unavailable behaviour. He is the ultimate bad boy.

Eventually, after investing all of your time and energy into making it work, you give up. You resolve that he’ll never change and that you deserve to be treated much better.

Over time you begin to move on and take comfort in knowing that he just isn’t boyfriend material. But then suddenly, one of your worst fears in letting him go comes true. Your bad boy (who you thought was an eternal bachelor) finally becomes the caring, loving, committed boyfriend you had always wanted—for another woman.

You panic. Rack your brain for any possible reason as to why this happened. You find his new girlfriend on social media and begin to creep her in an attempt to decipher what makes her better than you. Why her? Why not you? It is a painful realization. And although only time can heal and bring you the closure you need, here are thee factors to consider when trying to understand why your garbage boyfriend has become someone else’s treasure.

Timing


When it comes to relationships, timing is very important. The same guy that was unavailable a couple of months ago could suddenly be ready and wanting a relationship now due to changes taking place in his life. Such was the case with my own boyfriend. We often talk about the possibility that if we had met slightly earlier, things wouldn’t have worked out in the same way because we both weren’t ready for a serious, committed relationship. If a guy isn’t mentally and emotionally prepared to invest in a real relationship, he isn’t likely to commit just to appease you. No matter how good you are to him, it won’t make a significant difference if he isn’t ready.

You’re Too Available


Most men like a chase. That doesn’t mean that you have to act like an unavailable bitch to make him commit, but rather when you have your own life, hobbies, friends and passions, you automatically become a woman that he has to work harder for. A woman who is fulfilled and happy with her own individual life is far more picky about whom she spends her time with. The woman who values herself and her time is incredibly attractive because she has her own thing going on. She is a woman who is confident, secure and perfectly happy on her own, so if any man wants to be with her, he quickly learns that he has to be an equal partner and treat her right. She won’t settle for just anyone because she recognizes her self-worth. That is a quality most men can agree is an attractive one. It could even make the ultimate bad boy suddenly turn over a new leaf in order to pursue her into becoming his partner.

He Thinks There’s A ‘Type’ Of Woman He Needs To Be With


This is the hardest one to comprehend but happens quite frequently now that we’re all so image-driven and obsessed with presenting ourselves in a carefully constructed light. I once knew a guy who told me he didn’t want to commit to a girl because she “wasn’t a model.” Ridiculous? ABSOLUTELY! But I have witnessed it on more than one occasion where the guy is driven by the superficial and is predisposed to believe he needs to be with a particular type of girl. Whether that’s determined by her looks, her status, her job—there are a number of elements that some guys just don’t want to compromise on. Unfortunately, that means even when they do meet a girl that makes them happy and maybe even happier than their “ideal woman” would, they still refuse to commit because they’re too caught up in the superficial.

At the end of the day, focus on creating a meaningful, joyful life for yourself whether you have a relationship in it or not. That is when you will attract your own treasure. There are many factors that lay the foundation for a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship, but it all starts with you.

Once you realize how amazing you are and invest in yourself first, then the rest will fall into place.

14 Ways To End Up With A Good Guy

Dating is hard for everyone, but there is a particular type of girl who attracts the wrong type of guy over and over again. She’s the type who often finds herself with mascara-stained tears running down her face after trusting yet another assh*le with her heart. 

If you consistently find yourself claiming that your single status is due to the lack of good men around, it is time to reevaluate why that may be. Of course, it is easier to lay blame on the opposite sex for their inability to commit, but it is often our behavior that results in us dating one bad boy after another. 

We may not be able to change our environment and the douchebags that surround us. However, we do have the ability to change our behavior, our choices, and the ways we react. If you want to attract a good guy into your life, it's time to wipe the slate clean and open your heart.

1. Don’t Play Games 

You act like you’re not interested in him but then get mad when he doesn’t call. Men are not mind-readers. If you want a good guy to stick around, you have to let him know that. 

2. Give The Guy A Real Chance Instead Of Keeping Your Options Open 

Between Facebook, Instagram, Tinder, and Bumble we all have unlimited access to see what else is out there. But if you want a new relationship to flourish, put down your phone and try giving just that relationship a chance. Too often our attention is divided between multiple individuals that it is impossible to put our all into making something work. While it may not always work out unless you'll leave the relationship without wondering 'what if.'  

3. Respect Yourself 

If you don’t respect yourself, how do you expect the guy to respect you? Anyone who is worth dating will appreciate a girl who knows her worth and doesn’t settle for anything short of amazing. If you’re trying to find a good guy by getting wasted every night and dancing with your skirt over your head, the chances are that only douchebags will come knocking at your door. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having fun so that's not at all what I'm saying but rather there is a time and a place for everything. 

4. Tell Him How You Feel, Not What You Think He Wants To Hear 

“I don’t want a relationship” is what you say. “I wonder how long it will take before he makes it official?” is what you’re thinking. If you tell a man that you don’t want anything serious, then he will take that at face value. That doesn’t mean that you should start rambling about your dream wedding and how cute your kids will be on the first date. However, it does mean that you should see how things progress naturally before deciding where you want the relationship to go. The only way a healthy relationship can function is if you’re both on the same page. 

5. Be Vulnerable 

It’s OK to admit to a guy that you’ve been hurt in the past and that you aren’t looking for a casual hookup. If this scares a guy off, then he wasn’t right for you in the first place. A good man will value your feelings, and it will only bring the two of you closer together.

6. Don’t Compete With Him 

If he goes out, do you also have to? If he didn’t message you all night, do you wait even longer not to message him? A relationship will never move along smoothly if you play the dating game like an ego-driven chess match. If you want to be in a meaningful relationship, then it is important to be open and honest without competing with your man.

7. Respect Yours and His Time 

Don’t make plans and cancel at the last minute. He went out of his way to ask you out, so follow through. Unless there is a real emergency, you should always make an effort for the guy that makes an effort for you. Those are the ones you want to be dating, not the one’s that make you grovel for their time and attention. 

8. Don’t Punish Him For The Mistakes Of Those Who Came Before Him 

Most people have been hurt in the past, but carrying that baggage into your new relationship can sabotage it. For example, if your ex cheated on you and you start projecting your trust issues onto your new guy because of it, you will drive him away. Checking his phone when he’s not looking, getting mad when he doesn’t call back right away or assuming he is going to dinner with a girl when he says he’s going with a friend is a way of setting the relationship up for failure.

9. Be Honest About Yourself 

Embrace your individuality instead of changing yourself to meet the expectations of a guy that you just met. A good guy will love the person that you truly are and not the carefully constructed version of yourself that you have represented to him. If you lie about yourself to appear more desirable, remember the truth always has a way of coming out.

10. If You Invite Him Out, Make Him Feel Comfortable 

If you have an event and invite the guy as your Plus One, make sure you act as you want him there. No doubt he’s a big boy and will be okay if you split up to work the room for a little while, but it’s important to make your date feel welcome. Ditching a guy at a party that you invited him to, is a quick way to potentially deter a good guy. 

11. Be Compassionate

Being nice goes a long way. If your new man is having a rough day, show your support instead of acting disinterested. All too often we’re caught up in playing it cool, and we forget about the little things like being there for someone and listening, which can make the biggest difference. 

12. Create New Memories Together 

Sure, we all have ex boyfriends that meant a lot to us, but always bringing them up will only make the new man in your life uncomfortable. If you’re always talking about your exes, it will seem that you’re not making any room for the good guy in your life, so it becomes likely he won’t stick around for very long. 

13. Have Your Own Life 

Having your own life is an incredibly attractive quality that will have the good guys flocking to you. Only an insecure man will want a woman who doesn’t have her own thing going on so that she becomes dependent on him. But the good guy loves the woman that is totally fine on her own and content with her life whether she is single or in a relationship. 

14. Be Confident

If you’re a confident female, then no guy will be able to walk all over you because you would never stand for that. Any bad boy you meet will most likely be frightened by your confidence, whereas a good guy will be drawn to it and admire it.

The Value Of A Relationship Title

I have recently gotten out of a seven-month relationship with a man who cheated on me but is adamantly claiming that he did not. According to him we were really only “seeing each other” the entire time. Turns out that seeing each other means having sex regularly, going on vacation together, meeting the family, acting as his plus one at events and taking care of him when he is sick. A classic case of a miscommunication.
— Excerpt from, Whatever Happened To Romance?

 

When it comes to relationships, why do we place so much value on titles and so little value on feelings and actions?  Why is it acceptable to act like someone is your partner, and then escape any responsibility or commitment towards that person when it is convenient because of a label?

The power that a title holds in a relationship above all else has led to many miscommunications and broken hearts all over the modern dating world. At the end of the day, no matter how much time you’ve spent together and no matter how you feel, it all doesn’t matter if you were just “seeing each other.”

At least, this the card that individual’s suffering from the ultimate dating paradox are playing, The one’s who have an inherent fear of commitment and an even greater fear of loneliness. The one’s who reel someone in and treat them like they’re exclusive, only to hop away to the next best thing when they get the chance. Terrified of being alone but equally afraid to miss out on something better if they commit, they negate the value of their current relationships with a menial title. “Seeing each other,” “casually dating,” “just friends,” are all terms commonly used to describe the non-relationship, relationship these types of people frequently find themselves in.

We’re living in a time where too many people are afraid to take an honest chance on love and commit to someone they could actually have a bright future with. One of the problems is that we have access to so many different options now that it’s creating a barrier to finding real love due to a fear of missing out. Options make you doubt what you already have, and this particular type of person continues to browse the dating catalogue without comprehending the hurt they may be causing in other peoples lives. Naturally, this is also the type of person that relishes in double standards. They can still play the field but they want you to commit to them only. If you don’t, jealousy, arguments and accusations almost always ensue. 

Ultimately, a person who deems a title more binding than anything else will never be able to provide you with the security you desire. Sure, titles are an important identifying feature but what if we cared just a little bit more about each other?

Dating is not a game. It’s real life- real people and real feelings. The day we understand the importance of showing respect for one another and realize that people aren’t inanimate, disposal objects, will be the day that modern dating becomes just a little bit kinder and easier for everyone.

And that’s something we would all benefit from.

 

The Fifteen Faces Of Girls Night

In every group of friends there is an eclectic mix of personalities, which always results in an interesting night out. Here are the fifteen different types of girls that frequently make an appearance on girls night. 

THE EMOTIONAL DRUNK

"I don't always cry but when I do it's when I'm drunk and for absolutely no reason." 

THE "PROFESSIONAL DANCER"

"I took a hip-hop class once..I know what I'm doing."

THE FLASHER

 

"Hey everyone look at me!"

THE UNIMPRESSED

"Ew."

THE LIGHTWEIGHT 

"Those two shots went straight to my head..."

THE RAVER

"I'M JUST HERE FOR THE MUSIC!!" 

THE LOUD MOUTH ARGUER 

"OMG you're so wrong." 

THE LUSH

"Just one more, I'm not drunk enough!"

THE DESTROYER

"Lets F*ck shit up."

THE HUNGRY ONE

"I only go out to a nightclub to justify eating junk food at 3am."

THE FLIRT

"Let's just be friends." 

THE VOICE OF REASON

"I just called us a cab."

THE ANGRY DRUNK

"I will cut you."

THE NARCISSIST 

"So weird, I need to use the washroom again..."

THE FEEL-GOOD FRIEND

No matter how poorly you're behaving, the feel-good friend is always

doing something ten times worse and inadvertently making you

feel good about your decisions.                                                                                                           

11 Factors That Determine If A Girl Will Go Out

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  1. If she has a cute outfit to wear. 
  2. If she feels skinny aka not bloated.
  3. If there's a guy that she's trying to piss off.
  4. If she is in the mood to make bad decisions but can only justify it them when drinking. ie. texting an ex, eating pizza at 3am etc... 
  5. If her hair looks extra nice today. (This often results in going out on a Monday)
  6. If she's afraid of missing out on the "best night ever." 
  7. If she feels like dancing will sufficiently replace her work out for the day. 
  8. If she hasn't had sex in a long time and feels like tonight might be the night to change that.
  9. If she just watched Sex and the City or any number of movies that make going out with the girls, making bad decisions and getting fucked up look appealing.  
  10. If she thinks she might run into a certain somebody that she is still not over. 
  11. Because her friends guilt her into it and she has absolutely no say in the matter. (Phrases like "don't be a loser," "you're so lame." Are often used to get the job done.)

Thank You

Hi everyone and thank you for visiting my website!

The journey of writing "Whatever Happened To Romance? began five years ago when I first started documenting the uncomfortable nature of dating! What started out as silly note entries into my phone every time a date went sour (you can only imagine how many notes I have), eventually turned into writing a full blown novel. 

Although the process of writing a book has often proved challenging, I couldn't be more thrilled with the end result! Thank you to all my friends and family for the support and motivation along the way. And thank you to all of the heart breakers out there for acting as my "learning experiences," and giving me plenty of material to write about.   

My hope is that every woman and man who reads this laugh until they pee themselves and also take away some valuable insight about the modern dating world. 

Each event in the book is very real! Although, I do satirize some of my inner dialogue and conversations as a means to properly demonstrate how twisted the dating world has truly become. 

Whether you're single or in a relationship, this book has something for everyone! Please read and send me your feedback, I would be happy to hear it! 

Thank you to everyone who reads "Whatever Happened To Romance?" I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. 

With lots of love,

K.T. Edwards